"There are terrorists here, Jesse.."
Updated: Jun 19, 2020
Part 4 of our journey...
I was at the "new hospital" and they let me off the stretcher I was brought in.. I checked in at the front desk with Jesse and then she said that a guy would be right out to do the intake of everything. Jesse must have known from talking with them what I would need because he packed me a bag full of clothes, a toothbrush, toothpaste, a brush, my breast pump and my bible. No makeup was allowed.
The man came out to get us and brought us to a small room with a table. He asked some questions and then asked to see my bag of stuff. He took each individual item out and looked at, even my underwear. I had no idea what he was doing to be honest. He came across my bible and said very quickly, "You can either send this home with your husband or I can cut the ribbon page marker out of it." Um... Ok, well I want my bible so I guess cut it out? He knew I wasn't sure why... "It's a strangulation hazard, we don't allow any sort of string, etc. I loved using that ribbon to hold my place in my bible, but I wanted my bible with me even more.
He finished up and told me he would take me to my room. "You need to say goodbye to your husband now, he isn't allowed beyond these doors." What? Where the hell am I? Jail? I did NOTHING WRONG! I hugged and kissed Jesse and followed the man with my stuff. "We are going to have to check in your breast pump at the desk because of the cords." Ok, so how do I use it? "Well you'll need to check it in and out and when you pump, you need to have a hall monitor with you." Ok, at this point the nerves were really settling in... Where was I? Why are there so many strict rules and why can I not have my privacy for goodness sake? I could only say, Ok..
He brought me to my room which had a blonde girl in the bed next to me (yes we had roommates) and she was acting very strange. The man told me that she is coming down with withdrawal from drugs.. Honestly this really scared me... I didn't know what it was to be around someone like that.. So, after the man left my stuff on the bed, I went to the desk where the monitor sat (she wasn't very friendly and was very blunt and scary to me) and said, "Is there any way I can get a new room? I'm really scared.." So, she asked me to get my stuff and put me across the hall. No one was in there but there were colorings on the wall, Native American drawings, and pictures of a cross.
After finding a new room, she told me that she needed to check me and do a pat down in the bathroom. Ok lady, I just walked in here as a mom that is so FREAKING confused and you're taking me to a closed bathroom to pat me down? I was scared out of my mind as she made me shamefully stand there, arms in the air, legs spread a part and she patted every part of my body. I had to even pull down my pants to make sure I wasn't hiding anything in there. I was mortified, my head was spinning, I wasn't feeling too good and then she stopped and let me go.
I ran to the only phone which was in the hall so you could be heard and called Jesse hysterical... "You have to come get me babe.. There are literally terrorists here. I'm so scared and you need to get me now... I can't stay here." The only thing that came from his end was, "Linds, I can't, you've got to get better babe" as he was crying. At this point I was at a loss.. I had no options and I was scared as hell.
I went to my room to sit on the bed and think about what to do.. How long am I even going to be here? Where is my new roommate? This isn't a hospital.. Where are the nurses? Doctors? Nice and smiling faces? Everything seemed so cold to me in there and people just walked around looking at the ground and zoned out... I figured I would go look around... There were mostly rooms, and then there was a tv room with a table in it and another room that was closed where the monitor sat behind her desk and something else I couldn't quite figure out behind those doors. So, with there not being much to do, I went back into the tv room and saw that there were coloring pages and crayons. Another girl was sitting there coloring, so I joined her. We didn't speak, so I just searched through the pages to find one that had a butterfly on it.
I love butterflies, so I'll color that one. I took my time, still trying to figure out why I was dropped off here. After I was done, I brought my picture back with me to my room and that's when I saw my new roommate.. She was sitting on her bed and I introduced myself. Her name was Sarah and she was an older Native American woman. I told her that I loved everything about the colorings and crosses on her wall. I even showed her my bible. And at that moment, I knew God was with me. As alone and scared as I felt, I knew He was right with me.. She looked at her shelf and grabbed her bible. I smiled and knew I was safe. She was a believer also.
Sarah told me how badly her head hurt her. I asked her why and she told me that on the streets the men kept abusing her and hitting her in the head, that's why she couldn't do her hair because of the scabs. I asked her if she has family close and she told me all about who was where and that she was sad she hadn't seen them in awhile because she was living on the streets. She then asked me why I was here. I didn't really have a great answer for her because I didn't know. I told her I just had a baby 2 months ago and was worried that family members were trying to hurt them. She was so sad for me that I couldn't be with my kids.
It was dinner time.. The monitor called our names and you lined up against the wall. If you were sleeping or didn't hear your name, you didn't get dinner. You had a special name tag for meals to let the cafeteria ladies know what you could or couldn't have. I remember the ladies all looking at me the first time I came in, because I was new.. I kept my head down (because I didn't trust anyone that worked there) and looked at my dinner options.. Fried chicken was up first. "Nope, not getting that, these people are sick.. They probably went and found some other animal to fry up." Macaroni and cheese, I took a little bit, a roll seemed safe (I actually asked for 2), green beans that looked like canned green beans and then some type of cake. I took some of that too and then went to get water.
From the looks of it people sat with people they knew from their wing, and at that point I didn't know anyone so I sat alone.. I hardly ate. I didn't have an appetite. So I asked the monitor what we do when we are done and she told me to wait until it was time to go back to our wing. I don't know how many wings there were, but there were others in there that I hadn't seen in ours. I just studied everyone in there to see who I thought was safe and who wasn't.
We left and now it was time to go back and line up again at that door that was locked. What were we doing? Now I was scared again. They told us to get a cup of water. The door unlocked and the other people started walking in to form a line at this counter that was gated and locked.. A lady came up to the counter, unlocked it and asked the first person their name. She handed them a little cup and they had to take what was in their cup in front of that lady before leaving. "Oh my gosh, they are going to give me something! What was it? Medicine? Why? I felt fine, just scared!" So, I got up to the counter, told her my name and did what everyone else did. The scary thing was I had no idea what I just took.
I went to color again to help me calm down (I figured out that's why they had that there) and then started feeling EXTREMELY sleepy.. I heading to my room and Sarah was already asleep. I was so scared. I didn't want to go to bed in the dark. I don't know where I am or what would happen. So I got my pajamas on, brushed my teeth and slipped into the worst bed I've every slept in. It was like a board with one little sheet and a small cover.. I was freezing.. So, I got up, closed the door and went back to bed. Within minutes the monitor opened the door and sternly told me that the doors CAN NOT be closed, they can only be cracked. Well shit. You really are planning on killing me or something aren't you? So I played there for awhile with my eyes opened. I couldn't really sleep as sleepy as I felt because I was scared.
I saw in the dark hall the glow of a flashlight... "Crap I thought, she's coming!" So I closed my eyes but kinda had one open and then there she was.. Standing at our door shining the light on Sarah and then me... My heart was beating out of my chest. Just pretend you are sleeping Lindsey, just don't move a freaking muscle. Soon, she disappeared.. Ughhhhhh... "What was that" I thought. So I prayed... I prayed so hard to calm down and just for protection in this place God! I woke up sometime the next morning and missed breakfast because I slept in. That was fine with me because in that cafeteria they made questionable stuff and probably were very cruel to animals that they used as their food to serve to us. I even convinced myself that they probably owned a farm where all their mistreated, not fed, unhealthy animals and produce came from..
It was starting to be all connected again... This place was owned and operated by El Chapo (who at the time was missing and everyone was looking for) and his gang. That's why these people were all looking at me funny because they knew my dad and Jesse were in the secret service and they captured me. Now I'm putting it all together! No one liked me that worked there because I doubted them and knew their plan. I just knew that it would be soon enough that El Chapo would be getting here to get me because he was tunneling... My only prayer was that my Dad and Jesse would send in the dogs, the special ops and get me the hell out of there..
I figured out that every night when we lined up, they were drugging us. Of course, El Chapo was the KING of drugs and this was his place he would ultimately hide when he got here. Once I figured this all out, I made sure to quietly go tell the other people on my wing that I knew exactly what was happening. There was a group of people watching TV and they were broadcasting the Pope's visit to Washington D.C. "OH MY GOSH!!! There he is.. It's El Chapo disguised as the Pope!!! He made it into America by pretending he was the Pope and now he is here! He's coming... I told the whole room what was happening and everyone couldn't believe I knew that! (We were all highly sedated at this point I'm sure, so everything seemed fine.)
That night again, I just had fear all over my face... We did the same routine day in and day out. Some nights I even heard drilling and sawing and convinced myself that it was Jesse and my Dad slowly making their way in to get me. This brought me so much comfort because these people had no idea what was coming.. The trick would be on them. One night while it was dark, I looked out of the end of the hall window across the dirt lot to see a lit building... People were walking through it, but I could see jewelry cases, and crystals, and beautiful things all on display for people to choose from.. I knew this was all stolen and being hidden here for El Chapo. I couldn't even imagine all the money that stuff was worth! It was beautiful.
I met a mom that I immediately introduced myself to and she told me she tried to kill herself and they brought her here because her kids were home while she did it... So sad I thought.. I'm a mom to, but I was just trying to protect my kids and they brought me here. There was another girl, Britney who was African American and had the sweetest and most shy personality. She was a lot younger and barely talked... I knew I could share with her that I was also scared but it would be ok, we'd all be leaving here soon.. Another girl, Mercury.. Her poor face was so badly beaten up that it was painful to look at her.. She really didn't make sense, she would rock back and forth and sometimes would even have shouting outbursts. It scared me at first, but then I knew she needed someone to love on her.
Mercury's stories of abuse and neglect were chilling to the bone. She had bad memories and when she would have them, she would scream, cry and repeat the word "No." I told her that I thought she was so beautiful, and asked her what her kids names were. She just wanted to be with her babies too but those "stupid men" kept doing drugs in her house. I loved on her hard but she would repeatedly ask me who I was even right after we talked. There was another African American male that I met who came in very angry... He was yelling, shouting and then came right by me and just fist pounded the wall several times. My heart was jumping again. I was scared. But then I saw him start to cry. "Hi, I'm Lindsey, what's your name?" He looked at me ready to throw another punch and told me his name. "I just want you to know that it's going to be ok and God's got all of us right in the palm of His hand" I said. "Do you believe that?" I asked him. "Yes." I asked him where he lived and what he liked to do. Come to find out he played D1 basketball for a Big 12 school. I couldn't give any of them a hug because that was against the rules.
Wow! There are some amazing people in here that were also captured like me and brought here. I remember bringing my bible out to the hallway and asking the girls I had gotten to know if they would like to do a little study time with me.. I'll never forget.. We had a group of 5 of us just sitting on the dirty floor and talking about God and the passage I had opened up to. We all had that in common. My nerves were now turning into passion and that passion was to make this time meaningful and glorify God in a way that I NEVER knew was possible. God knew exactly who would be there with me and brought us there for a purpose. We were angels now.... I thought. All this mess and evil at this place was going to be overtaken by the good. Our monitor would even come check on us to see what we were doing while reading the Bible.
One morning I just remember sittingat the end of the hall and looking out that door window. I had my bible in my hand and I saw workers that were building something. "These are your carpenters, Lord." I thought. One even looked at me and I thanked him with my hands... He sort of leaned over the side on his ladder and just lowered his head. He knew who was in this place. He knew what he was building and why, and I couldn't believe what he saw. Heartbreaking.
Our family visitation hours were from 7-7:30 I think... Members of my family would drive down to come see me, bring the kids and I remember even having my twin sister braid my hair. I told them all about the horrible food, the scary people but also started having hope because I knew I had once again figured out this mystery and soon, I'd be saved and out of here. I'm pretty sure it took all they had to keep it together for me. I couldn't wait to see my babies! I was almost in denial that I couldn't be there with them. Goodbye's were hard but I knew I'd see them again. My roommate Sarah, didn't bring anything with her. So I would call Jesse to make sure to bring extra hair ties and socks for her on his next visit. I think I even got deodorant approved to bring.. Hah!
One morning I woke up and new people were there! Like official people that actually looked nice. I remember two younger guys coming up to me and talking.. I told them everything I had figured out, why I was there, who my family was, etc. They just looked at each other and said, "Really?" And then there was another lady who looked athletic. Hmm.. maybe she was also apart of the secret service or special ops and they made it inside! Maybe things are going to turn around soon. That lady soon asked everyone who wanted to go to the gym to play volleyball to line up! My face lit up! My hand couldn't go up high enough. It was me, a very depressed overweight guy, and another older man who cut off the top of his finger that went.
I just remember how special that felt! We actually got to get out of that place and do something active and it left us feeling great.. That lady actually cared about us and was helping us feel good unlike the others. We were all so encouraging to each other even if we couldn't hit the ball.. This lady was like a coach. I wished she could come every day but it only on certain days. After a fun time with her, we had to all attend a meeting in the tv room. Two ladies sat in chairs up front and passed out a handout.. It was titled, "Taking Care of Yourself." AHHAHHAH What? Do these people think this is school for the incapable? I know how to take care of myself ladies.. Actually, I take care of myself and two children. They wanted us to take turns reading out loud.. No one volunteered so I did. I even did it in my teacher voice to be a smart aleck. "Wow, thank you, Lindsey." Yeah... I can read ladies, you ain't fooling me.. Now go back to your fake school that you run in this place and leave me the hell alone.
There was talk about Doctors coming to see if we could leave. This really perked me up! Someone coming to see if I can escape out of here? HECK YES! So we all had to wait our turn and I remember being called to see a lady. She was very pretty, had a cross necklace on that looked exactly like one I had and she just asked me a bunch of questions.. After getting done with her, the hall monitor told me to get my things ready to go and family would be here soon... I could have died of happiness. This was it! Everything was coming to fruition and this crappy place or as I called it, "A Hell Hole" was done for and I was leaving safely with my family... They buzzed me when family came and I grabbed my stuff, basically running for the door...
After 9 days of being "held captive" we met in the same visitation room, gave lots of hugs and I'm sure some tears and as we were walking out, I literally brushed shoulders with El Chapo himself.. "Oh my gosh" I said to my sister, "that was a close call.." But she saw nothing and we left... I barely escaped him I thought.
It didn't go down in the heroic "life saving way" like I had thought, but this was way better! I was safe again and going home..